Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
