I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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