Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My balls are so social today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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