Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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