who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
