Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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