now i know why i became what i already was.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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