A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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