That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
