u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
