I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
