So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
