Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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