Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
