If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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