You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
