We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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