very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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