Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
