the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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