He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
