I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize