Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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