that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize