Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
