I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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