the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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