we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The Olympian is in my bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
