he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
