Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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