This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
