a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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