it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
