saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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