i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
