he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
