so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
