I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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