oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
whose parrot is this?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
