just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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