I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
