and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
