If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
