Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
