Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
