So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My bed smells like the plague
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
