oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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