He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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