So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
