I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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