I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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