I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
