i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
