i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
