i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
