There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
