I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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