Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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