I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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