Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
