He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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